Domestic Violence In A BDSM Household

By morningstar (Warren)

What is abuse?

The oxford dictionary defines abuse as "treating cruelly or violently - to speak in an insulting and offensive way".

Conservative estimates show statistics of 1 million women suffering nonfatal violence by an intimate each year.

Nearly 1 in 3 adult women will experience at least one physical assault during adulthood.

How to Recognise Domestic Abuse:

¨ hitting, slapping, threatening,
¨ forcing sexual acts
¨ isolation from family and friends
¨ constant drain on your finances
¨ constantly having to watch what you say
¨ you feel worthless
¨ you are blamed for all their misfortunes
¨ extreme jealousy
¨ inappropriate outbursts
¨ verbal behaviour of interrupting, threats, name calling

(Note: any or all of the above may be present in a relationship suffering from Domestic abuse)

How does Domestic Violence differ from BDSM??

¨ S/m is based on SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL
Abuse is NOT negotiated

¨ S/m is a controlled environment
Abuse is an out of control environment

¨ S/m has safe words to stop the scene
Abuse does not use safe words

¨ S/m - the dominant looks out for the well being of the submissive
Abusers do not care about the victim

¨ S/m - both partners enjoy the exchange
In Abuse no one is enjoying the exchange

¨ S/m is about trust
in an Abusive relationship there is no trust

¨ S/m builds self esteem
Abuse destroys self-esteem

¨ S/m builds the spirit of the submissive
An Abuser destroys the spirit of the victim

¨ S/m there is mutual respect
in Abusive relationships there is no respect

Some final thoughts:

¨ remember NO ONE has the right to abuse you
¨ you are not responsible for the violence
¨ you are also not alone - find support groups - find someone who can talk with you and advise you.
¨ find out about shelters

If you are a submissive woman, or man, confronted with abuse - remember you did not bring this on yourself! You showed your trust and submissiveness and what happened is that both your trust and your body were abused. You deserve to be helped and supported. And you have the right to be respected.

"if thou dost ill, the joy fades, not the pains.
if well, the pain doth fade, the joy remains."
-Benjamin Franklin