For most of my adult life i have been a teacher. i have a degree in education, administration and child psychology. i have worked for the most part with families, helping parents deal with the joys and sorrows of raising children, and with children raising parents. Sex education has been, and still is, a difficult subject for parents to approach with their children, and for the children to approach with their parents: add the BDSM lifestyle to the equation and most parents become speechless, or worse yet, talk too much.
Sex Education within the family:
one can never start educating their children about sex too young. When you start to teach them the names for the parts of the body always make sure to use proper terms: vagina for girls, penis for boys!
Take the Initiative
do NOT wait for the children to come to you with questions. Take the initiative and start the conversations in a natural relaxed tone.
Give only Accurate Age Appropriate Information
do not go into a lengthy biology lesson with a 4 year old who asks why Johnny's Mommy has a fat tummy. And do not cut corners with a 12-year-old who asks what STDs are.
Anticipate the Next Stage
just because you have had one discussion about the "Birds and the Bees" with your child does not mean that more information will not be needed down the road. Anticipate your child's growth and be prepared to offer more information as the need arises.
make sure to instill in your child YOUR values. Do not leave that to be done by schools or friends. This is your child and he/she should have your values!
Family Life and BDSM :
How does one find a safe balance between a family life and a life of BDSM??
- schedule your adult play times after the children are in bed.. or when they are out of the house.
- Attend local BDSM clubs and munches. Find like-minded people and start having private play parties in one another's homes, or exchange baby sitting weekends. (it helps if the children are of the same age or close in age.. and at least get along, but it can work!)
- use discrete D/s symbols to help stay focused during vanilla times.. for example.. a simple piece of jewelry that has some significance to both Dom and sub, or for the brave; a piercing or piercings or a rule of no undergarments to be worn, especially under long skirts or pants.
- never leave toys lying around - everything has a place and everything in its place - is a good rule of thumb
- should a toy be found - do NOT lie about what it is! Children always know when adults lie and at all costs, trust should not be jeopardized with children. Best answer is - these are adult toys. When you are older we will discuss what adult toys are and how they are used. Remember - children know that parents are sexual in one form or another.. but they do NOT need details !
- BE THE PARENT! do not try to be your child's best friend! they have scores of friends but only one set of parents! Do not be afraid to simply say.. "because I am the parent!"
- if one thinks about it.. D/s is not a bad example for children! There are rules to follow in life and everyone. including mom and dad must follow rules. This is a good value to instill in all children.. not just children from a BDSM home.
- love/boundaries/rules within any family are most important. Children that feel loved, feel secure within the boundaries set for them are happy well-adjusted children, and do not act out.
- do not try to direct your child into ANY lifestyle. Do not try and pattern them after you. Allow them the freedom to explore and experiment SAFELY when they are ready! Support them in their choices and lovingly be there for them if they need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to them.
One of the best lines i have ever heard was:
"Mom and Dad have special adult only things we like to do. You have your games and toys and we have ours. When you are grown up, you'll take part in adult-only activities too, and we hope that you will be as happy as we are"
Remember - common sense goes a long way in raising children in and out of a BDSM household!
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