By Maître Pierre
In the BDSM lifestyle, there are some words that are considered "dirty". Among them, being a "switch" is one of the dirtiest!
What is a switch?
A switch is a person who will play both "sides" in the lifestyle. A switch, according to the situation, could be a submissive (bottom) or a Dominant (Top).
Why is "switching" considered a dirty word? To be honest with Y/you, We have NO idea!!!!! For Us, the lifestyle is composed of different people who have different passions. Remember, when W/we say; "To each their own!". And yet, at the mention of someone being a "switch", many lifestylers and others react negatively....
Now We are starting to see people change minds about this. Yes, in many BDSM chats, mentioning that you are a switch, may have Y/you being kicked out immediately of the chat or the room, but in real life, it is a little harder for people to "kick" someone out when you are let's say in a munch or a play party! And again, let's be honest, most lifestylers are very strong-minded people. To say to such a person; "get out!" because he or she is a switch ....well....good luck!!! :)
Yes, people are changing their minds about switching. Not that long ago, in munch, saying that you were a switch, would make some people give you a dirty look.....Now, We witness more and more people who used to claim that they were only Doms or subs are now saying that they switch.
Pierre started in the lifestyle as a switch. It didn't take Him long to figure out that He hated pain and to be humiliated, but He learned that he likes the Domming part. He met Catharine as "katy" an amazing submissive. When He started to see in her a need to Dom, He understood very well that need, because He had the same one. So when katy became a switch (Mistress Catharine) He understood.
Why do people switch? That is easy to answer; Some people need to submit, some need to Dom.....others need both! There is the example where some people, because they cannot find a partner, would switch among themselves, so they could plays. We have seen subs switching with each other because they could not find a suitable Dom.....
Switching is not a dirty word...But like everything else, to have a good relationship with a switch, rules must be respected!
We stated in another article that the best partner for a switch...is a switch! Often a switch will refer to themselves like this example; submissive 90% of the time and Dominant 10%. So if this switch could find a partner who is a switch too for the same example; submissive 10% and Dominant 90%, this would be a match made in haven!
What happens if you have a partnership like Us, Pierre is a Dom and Catharine(katy) a switch? In this situation, rules are VERY important.
Obviously, Pierre cannot and will NEVER submit to Catharine. This is how they started to play with others as a Dom team. Catharine will never submit to anyone except Pierre. In this kind of relationship, rules are the key for a successful partnership.
- Always treat the switch as what they are during the play;
If the switch is submitting, always treat that switch for the sub he or she is. The Dom playing with that switch must create and control the situation as He would with any other submissive.
If the switch is Domming, respect must be enforced. Even if it is a switch, that switch is in control. That switch IS the Dom. It is that switch's duty to ensure that the submissive submitting to Him or Her respects that.
- A switch must NEVER change roles during a play or a scene;
Obviously, if during a scene or a play, the switch decides to change roles, one way or the other, it is a fact that shit will hit the fan. For example; if a switch is submitting to a Dom, and decides to become a Dominant while at play, the Dom would see a bad submissive trying to Top from the bottom and would take the appropriate steps to regain control. While trying to regain control on the switch, the Dom could go very far.....and NEVER underestimate Top space.....
- A switch who own subs should be aware of the impact that allowing that sub to see him or her as a sub; for many submissives to see their Dom submitting to another Dom could damaged the respect they have toward their Owner. Pierre will play with katy in front of their subs but the subs have been prepared for such a thing. Well used, this kind of play could show a sub how good his or her Dom is thus, gaining more respect from the sub, but it is not All subs who could deal with something like that!
- In a public scene, if the switch is Domming, that switch Must be respected as the Dom they are. When Catharine is Domming a sub, Pierre ALWAYS respects Her for the Dom she is. To do otherwise would create conflict. Imagine a regular non switching couple playing in public; and another Dom would approach the Dom without using the proper respect, you agree this would breach the etiquette. It is the same for switch. When Pierre and Catharine Dom together, they Dom together, Catharine is NOT the top sub! Hierarchy in subs is another matter.
Switching is not a dirty word. And yes! it is possible to have a successful relationship with a switch even if the other partner is not. Like everything else in the lifestyle, respect and open mindness are the key. Need an example....ask Pierre and Catharine/katy.
ŠTHE BDSM CIRCLE 2002