Belief, style and realities.
by Maître Pierre
Over the last couple of months, Our adventure with the BDSM Circle has turned in a surprising direction. To make a rather long story short, I was approached by the owner of a BDSM club here in Montreal, asking me to help him "teach" a BDSM course for his customers, because I am fully bilingual (my french is as bad as my english!) - and both languages are spoken here in Montreal His goal, which was very simple, was to teach his new customers, the proper safe way of playing. Curious, and I must admit, interested by the challenge, I said yes
Since that memorable moment, a few BDSM classes have been held at the club - some of which were: Introduction to BDSM, Safety, Scening, Fire Play and other interesting types of play.
My part was to take care of the basics, while He would address some of the more advanced topics. Anyone who has done any "teaching" in their life, understand the problems of breaking down knowledge into small manageable bits and structuring it in a way that would make it enjoyable and easy to learn. BDSM is no exception to this rule. When I sat down and did the work of structuring the information, I didn't know that a surprise would be waiting for Me!
My first BDSM course was kind of an eye opener! When I started to give the course to the people sitting in front of Me, the first thing I realized was ….. these people were anything but beginners. Yes! Many of the participants at my first lecture were well known, experienced players - not the "students" I expected. Which brings Me to the reason for this column…
I could talk about how important it is that even an experienced player needs to continue to learn - to upgrade their craft so to speak, or how these experienced people were just there to support Me, but this is not what I want to tell you.....
What was my greatest surprise and challenge was the fact that I was supposed to give these people knowledge and know how without clashing with their already established beliefs and styles. Almost everyone in the lifestyle has learned by themselves about the lifestyle. Yes, books exist, but most people have developed their knowledge by themselves, thus creating their own style. This style that they have developed must not be changed. I for one, love the lifestyle because it allows people to do their own thing. Because I am in a position to teach, I must take great care to insure I teach only the topic to be addressed, such as safety. If I teach safety in BDSM, I want them to include safety in their scene, I do not want them to become another me and play like I do!
I do clash with some people about style and belief. For example, for me there is only one way to be safe. Many different things may be done in BDSM .. but all these things must be done in a safe way. Yet, some people will argue about the way of doing things, sticking only to a rigid belief of how things should be done. I disagree with this kind of belief. Here are a few examples of things I have discussed with people:
- We do not believe in corporal punishment, yet, in doing discipline, the need to correct a sub is a reality. Catharine and I do use punishment, but not corporal punishment. We have often witnessed Doms using corporal punishment where it was obvious that They did not have control over all aspects of the punishment. Because We play with extreme emotions, control of all aspects of corporal punishment is a must!
- Some people will NOT have any scene, if it is not about disciplining the sub….. what is wrong with giving a sub a good spanking as a reward for being good and W/we both like it? Scening only to discipline a sub may create a situation where the sub, on purpose, will behave badly, just to have a scene… ever hear of SAM's (Smart Ass Mascohists)???
- Many Doms really believe that a sub is there just "to take it" and should not have any need or belief of their own. Sorry folks, human nature is such that EVERYBODY wants their own needs to be satisfied or met, without that satisfaction nothing will be accomplished. Yes, most submissives will accept any kind of treatment in order to serve their Master, but that sub will want to feel that the Master is happy with their service. I don't know anyone who will serve a Master without getting something in return. The worst horror stories that We hear are from submissives who are in these types of relationships where they get nothing from the Doms and are very hurt by it.
- The Gorean belief is very beautiful and interesting to read ..or to play with in cyber, but impossible to apply in real life. Do you know anyone who is sane who wants to really be treated as a piece of meat?? (hooks through the body, being cut and burned to death?!)
- The one which amazes Us the most is how many play in real life with no safe words! Yes, We understand that many subs feel that they would prefer to be without one, believing somehow it makes them "more submissive". But to play safely there is a definite need for a safe word! Whether a submissive choses to use their safe word or not is another discussion!
There are more examples but, the ones that I have listed are some of the most important ones.
The BDSM School that I am teaching at is a wonderful occasion to meet and talk with people. I am glad to say that many of my "students" who often, have more experience, prove to Me that you can have your own style but be able to play safe and sane, even if some of these players are doing extreme plays.
BDSM is a lifestyle where to improve, you must be open minded. Yet the examples that I listed above are not rare. Many players believe these things to be the 'REAL TRUTH" This saddens Me because in BDSM, aside from safety, there are NO "REAL TRUTHS"! BDSM is personal. Needs in BDSM are personal. The way to address these needs is also personal. Nobody has the right to tell you how to do things, except of course, how to play safe.
Reading this column, I realize one thing…. the future will bring Me many opportunities to talk with people, many opportunities to be amazed by the originality of people, and many arguments with others about "how things should be done"…
People, I WILL TELL YOU how to do BDSM…be safe, sane and consentual…. and do YOUR OWN thing. Well the next course I will teach will be entitled "HOW TO TELL PEOPLE TO GET LOST !" in the worst kind of way possible!
©THE BDSM CIRCLE 2003