A while ago, Catharine was having a discussion with BDSM friends and this subject came on. With the approval of Mistress Eris, Catharine gave some " homework " to Pinky. This article is a result of this "homework".
By the way; Pinky was our guest en February of 2016 on Dr. Betito's show "Passion", an excellent show!
To hear that show just click here:
Pierre and Catharine
The Five Qualities Of A Submissive.
First of all, I'd like to thanks Mistress Catharine to allow me to be published on their website, BDSM Circle. As per her request, I'm writing about what I think being the 5 best qualities of a submissive.
As a sub, I'd like to believe I can trust my Dom because I am making myself vulnerable to Her/Him: during a scene, out in a public dungeon, in a long term relationship (LTR).
But also, the Dom should be able to trust me : the Dom would like to believe that I won't share passwords if i am a secretary, that i won't spread out private medical information just because I do chores to the pharmacist for my Dom. There are so many responsibilities that a Dom gives to a sub that have to stay confidential.
Like in every relationship, either BDSM or " vanilla ", we have to be able to trust one's honesty, to whom we're engaged, with whom we play. When a relationship begins, if we're not honest with our Dom(me), the play is game over. How can my Dom(me) believe I'll say my safeword when time comes? Will I cross my boundaries to please and so, putting my relationship at risk or an abrupt end to the scene? My limits are they real hard limits or are they only an alibi not to overpass my comfort zone?
If the LTR to be is hidden, for which either parties have to be extremely discreet, if we cannot rely on O/one's honesty, Dom(me) or sub, how can I play fair ?
To care about the Other is the One mission of a sub / slave. Care to obey, aim to please, remember tastes, food preferences, colours of our Dom(me). Take care to being attentive of all gestures of my Dom(me) in order to please in each single moment. But, I believe it's important to take care about our self (as a sub) : did I, in a play, reach my hard limit? Is the current LTR (or D/s relationship) answers my needs? Am I asked to cross my core values (which, from my point of view, would be a really big mistake)?
As a sub, I give myself entirely: my vulnerabilities, my weaknesses, my fears, my limits. And I hope that my Dom(me) will make a wise usage of these informations. I can give of my person in service, with my body, with my tears! In the opposite, let's not forgive that O/our Dom(me) also gives in return ! She/He gives time, energy, knowledge, and sometimes also gets vulnerable… For example: My own Domme, She has a vision and an hearing handicap. When I offer a massage, She gives me Her " ears " and Her " eyes ". She gets completely vulnerable towards me, her senses block. : She gives Herself totally.
Our Dom(me) wants to get us further, to reach our limits, to make us discover more and more… ! (Intensity, quantity, as you wish!) If we have a sense of openness, we just can discover a boundless world of possibilities. If we have a closed mind, which is the goal to play ? Isn't it what everyone of us, Dom(me) or sub/slave, are searching for : a pretext to open ourselves to greater?