Confidence Of A Submissive
One night like many others, a little
girl was watching television laying in her parent's bed. An old black
and white movie was playing. Suddenly, something get her attention; on
the tube, a slave was being punished! The slave was on all fours, receiving
the whip. It is at this moment that little girl felt something that she
could not identify and would discover and appreciate it later; her
Without knowing there was other people like her or that there was a philosophy about this, this child was entering in the BDSM universe. This little girl was me!
If I am telling you this story it is to help you understand where I am from and where my BDSM needs comes from. Like you would suspect, the little girl that I was twenty years ago went thought life but she always kept this love and curiosity for submission which is basically the basis of her passion. My own search went a different way; reading, searching, life experiences...lead me to discover that philosophy and made me realise that I was submissive without knowing it!
I am telling you this so I can talk to you about one experience I went through before discovering this lifestyle. I needed to explain to you how I felt from a very young age so you can understand the complexity of all the feelings I am about to explain to you.
I would like to inform you that I am writing this article in the hope that I will free myself from old ghosts from my past. Ghosts that have tormented me and ghosts who created walls in the discovering of my submissiveness. If with this story I help others, I will be very happy but it is not my goal to give you lesson or advice, i just want to share this little piece of my life.
Two years ago, I had to put an end to a very difficult relationship which lasted seven years. My old spouse was a violent man. We didn't practice BDSM together (it was before I learned of this lifestyle), but since nature made me a submissive woman, like I explained before, this is how I went through this.
let me explain myself:
In the beginning of our relationship,
my old spouse was a very nice man to me and i didn't know why. I had a
tendency to consider him superior to me. With time, he gained my trust
and I started to tell him what I was feeling. I would tell him things
like: I am your love slave, I belong to you, you can do anything you want
He would play with this all the time
because, when he would stop without warning, I would have to make all
the decisions, He would not help me or tell me what to do. I was not comfortable
in this. Something was missing. Then, I would try to talk to him, try
to make him understand the amount of control that I needed but then he
would tell me that i didn't knew what I wanted and he would be more extreme
than before! If I would complain, he would tell me that I wanted to be
a submissive so it was my fault! I cannot describe to you the feelings
I went through for seven years; the guilt and the regrets, the doubt about
myself, the misunderstanding about my
but I did it! Now I am with a Master who respects me and helps me to grow. I am thankful to Him for being patient with me and helping me to discover Real Life play when i wanted to try it.
I know, I said no advice, but if you are not comfortable in the situation where you are, if you don't feel safe, if you are scared for your well being if you stay, or worse, you are scared for your life, don't be scared and call a women shelter. They won't judge you and they will know how to help you.
ŠTHE BDSM CIRCLE 2003