Happy people have no stories.
It seems that saying is true in BDSM!
Why is it, that the only stories we
hear in BDSM are the sad ones
where things went badly? It is really sad since we often receive success
stories from many happy couples. These stories are generally sent
to us in a private way from people wanting to share their with us. Usually,
a short exchanges of email will follow where we ask them for clarification
on some details to expand our own experience.
As is to be expected in BDSM, each
recipe for success is different for the people who write us. It is our
pleasure to share with you here small sampling of the list of what these
happy people have shared with us:
- Honesty: Many of the people who
write to us, describe their relationship as one where nothing is hidden
between them. Their past and present is revealled to each other. In
a BDSM relationship to reveal all the secrets of your "hidden garden"
and more is so easy. Yet, many think they can deceive their partners
by telling them half-truths and lies.
- The pleasure of the discovery together:
In a way, BDSM seems to be expandable depending on with whom you speak.
Some people, after only a few short months, will believe that they have
experimented with it all and that there is nothing more or new for them
in BDSM. Don't talk to them about nuances in plays, like discovering
and working together to accomplish a precise type of shibari or have
them discuss how to accomplish some type of percussion play together.
For yet others, the discovery of BDSM is part of
their excitement of being in their relationship! I remember this couple
with a lots of experience still having fun to discover a new technique
or a new play. Their relationship is ever changing and expanding and
so different from those who never change how they play and do the same
things over and over!
- Respect: You could be peeing on
your slave, all the while holding them in the greatest of respect for
it! Relationships where the Top really believes that the sub is just
a low life and make certain that they know that, is a relationship that
will ultimately end in failure. There is a limit in the humiliation
you can give to someone and if the slave starts to really think they
are a low life, you run the risk of huge mental problems resulting.
The people in BDSM who have a sucessful relationship always keep in
mind this respect. They know and respect what they are in BDSM.
- Happiness: People who share their
life, being in a BDSM relationship or not, always face life's problems,
together. Life will bring situations where the Dominant, submissive
relationship will be a factor in the final life decision but the Dominant
will always make the best decision for the good of the couple. For example,
in a strict relationship where corporal punishment is used, punishment
is always used for the well being of the submissive and the quest of
the common happiness.
- Clear rules: One of the biggest
reasons where BDSM relationship explode (and vanilla couples too!) is
the non respect of negotiated rules. Things change in a BDSM relationship
and rules and limits will always be pushed through negotiation. Yet,
these changes must be agreed and understood by the couple. Very few
survive a relationship where the negotiated rules are not respected.
(For example, a corporal punishement not understood or considered not
warranted by the submissive or the unilateral decision of bringing more
people in the relationship (polyamourous, more than 2 partners)
- Love: I know, I am old fashioned,
but if in a relationship there is
no love....why does that relationship exist at all?
Very often, men and women will go to
public events to find a new BDSM partner for a permanent relationship.
When they actually find a partner, they often disapear quietly from the
public scene. This is one reason why I say that happy people have no story.
Actually, they do have a story, but no one is interested in hearing a
story where everything goes from good to better, in
truth, these happy stories are boring and nobody are really interested
And yet, these are the stories we love
We are very lucky too! We do receive
tons of boring and uninteresting emails about good, solid and happy BDSM
relationships - how wonderful wouldnt you say?
Thanks to all who send us their beautiful