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Tips For A Successful BDSM Relationship

By Maître Pierre


Happy people have no stories.

This is an old French adage and it seems to be true in BDSM!

Why is it, the only stories we all hear in BDSM are the sad ones where things went badly? It is really sad since we often receive success stories from many happy couples. These stories are generally sent to us in a private way from people wanting to share theirs with us. Usually, a short exchanges of email will follow where we ask them for clarification on some details to expand our own experience.

As is to be expected in BDSM, each recipe for success is different for the people who write us. It is our pleasure to share with you a small sampling of the list of what these happy people have shared with us:

    - Honesty: Many of the people who write to us, describe their relationship as one where nothing is hidden between them. Their past and present is shared among them. In a BDSM relationship when you reveal all the secrets of your "hidden garden", to reveal more become so easy. Yet, many think they can deceive their partners by telling them half-truths and lies.

    - The pleasure of the discovery together: In a way, BDSM seems to be expandable depending on with whom you speak. Some people, after only a few short months, even weeks, will believe that they have experimented all in BDSM and that there is nothing more or new for them. Don't talk to them about nuances in plays, like discovering and working together to accomplish a precise type of shibari or have them discuss how to accomplish some type of percussion play together. For others, the discovery of BDSM is part of their excitement of being in their relationship! I remember this couple with a lots of experience still having fun to discover a new technique or a new play. Their relationship is ever changing and expanding and so different from those who never change how they play and do the same things over and over!

    - Respect: You could be peeing on your slave, all the while holding them in the greatest of respect! Relationships where the Top really believes that the sub is just a low life and make certain that they know that, is a relationship that will ultimately end in failure. There is a limit in the humiliation you can give to someone and if the slave starts to really think they are a low life, you run the risk of huge mental problems resulting. The people in BDSM who have a successful relationship always keep in mind the importance of respect. They know and respect what they are in BDSM.

    - Happiness: People who share their life with someone, being in a BDSM relationship or not, always face life's problems, together. Life will bring situations where the Dominant-submissive relationship will be a factor in the final life decision but the Dominant will always try to make the best decision for the good of the couple. For example, in a strict relationship where corporal punishment is used, punishment is always used for the wellbeing of the submissive and the quest of the common happiness.

    - Clear rules: One of the biggest reasons where BDSM relationship explode (and for vanilla couples too!) is the non-respect of negotiated rules. Things change in a BDSM relationship and rules and limits will always be pushed through negotiation. Yet, these changes must be agreed and understood by the couple. Very few survive a relationship where the negotiated rules are not respected. (For example, a corporal punishment not understood or considered not warranted by the submissive or the unilateral decision of the Dominant bringing more people in the relationship (polyamorous, more than 2 partners)

    - Love: I know, I am old fashioned, but if in a relationship there is no love....why does that relationship exist at all?

Very often, men and women will go to public events to find a new BDSM partner for a permanent relationship. When they actually find a partner, they often disappear quietly from the public scene. This is one reason why I say that happy people have no story. Actually, they do have a story, but no one is interested in hearing a story where everything goes from good to better, in truth, these happy stories are boring and nobody are really interested by them!

But, these are the stories we love to hear!

We are very lucky too! We do receive tons of boring and uninteresting emails about good, solid and happy BDSM relationships, how wonderful wouldn’t you say?

Thanks to all who send us their beautiful success stories!

Maître Pierre