by Maître Pierre


In many of my "opinions" (editorials) that I put up on our website, I am making a huge case about being accepted and not judged by the vanilla society.

A few years ago, we did projects for tv. The first thing we wanted from our experience on tv was for vanilla people, to at least understand what people like us are all about, by expaining our story to them.... O.k.! The second thing we wanted was the understanding of vanilla people, the first being the fact that we are a tiny bit exhibitionists! (you have to admit that I am honest !) The debate about if we did indeed succeed or not, is not really where I want to go with this opinion column. Yes, we got a huge effect on vanilla people who saw us in our different tv projects but this was nothing compared to the effect we had on people WITHIN' the lifestyle!!!!!!!!!

Sadly, this is where I want to go with this column........

We can easily understand that, for many vanilla people because they do not understand what we are about, that they decide to judge us harshly and call us all sorts of names. But to be judged from 'WITHIN' the lifestyle by BDSM people was, for us, a major shock!....don't worry, this was a while ago and we survived! Why were we judged? We have different theory but you will undertsand that this experience made us aware of how sometimes BDSM people react to other BDSM'ers.

When a few years ago (I refuse to say many years ago, I will feel too old!) I was introduced to the "more public" aspect of BDSM by two special ladies, I was under the marvellous impression that a new open minded world was welcoming me among peers, peers that have the same interest that I had. Don't worry, I did learn fast that I was mistaken and that my "Santa Claus beliefs" had to go if I wanted to survive in this jungle that are the BDSM communities.

But why? Why is it that in a world where we are all poorly judged by society, people within the BDSM communities, instead of trying to understand his fellow BDSM'er with needs that could be a bit different from their own, have to judge other BDSM'ers using arbitrairy values. Through the many years we have been active in the BDSM community, we have witnessed so many examples of intolerance from people within the lifestyle towards others people within the lifestyle that Catharine and I now consider that behavior normal in the communities!!!!!

Why is this happening?

- Jealousy? Maybe! many people think and will always think that the grass is greener in their neighbor's yard.

- Selfishness? BDSM IS about personnal strong needs and the way to satisfy it, so again, maybe!

- Clash of personnality? Of course! But, I have seen this happend in other type of communities other than BDSM and people find ways to cope with each others.

- Power trip? Yes, that too! My Kink is better than yours because...or my way of doing my kink is better than you because...... (old story, the recording is even sounding scratchy!!!)

Catharine has a troubling theory about this; Some BDSM'ers are so uncomfortable with what they do, that, for them, the only way to accept themselves is to think that "Their way" is the right way and anybody else's is wrong!!!! her theory is troubling for me, because, I was never able to have a proof that she was wrong!

Are judgemental people that many in our lifestyle? The answer is very suprising......NO! There are not that many people in the lifestyle that will judge anyone and everyone. The ones who do are just very very vocal about it so, they look many!!!!

To prove my point; people who are comfortable with their own kink, their ways and their life (there are many of them fortunately!), are ususally.......non judgemental!!!!!!! We don't hear or notice them because they do their own things and if they think they can improve something in their lives, they just do it....quietly!!!!! Is it that people who are judgemental and intolerant don't feel good about who they are? Here is a classic example, the most homophobic people are often homosexual, and does not accept this part of themselves, could people who are uncomfortable with their kink and themselves, be unable to accept their needs and who they are....and therefore judging all the others (Catharine's theory)?

There are some that do judge everybody by their own standard but I am glad to tell you that there are a lot more BDSM people who are open minded and just do their own things. If you ever get to be on the "badly judged list", don't worry, there are many who are on the same list......like us for instance! Just remember to see these people that judge you poorly, for what they really are.....

Even after this opinion you may feel the need the judge us badly, but, that's YOUR problem.

Maître Pierre