The Real BDSM

by Maître Pierre

Again! This topic!

In the "opinion section", we have many editorials about the freedom of doing your own BDSM the way you like and that nobody has the right to say otherwise. That should be the end of this very short editorial right!... of course not!!!!

I have 2 vanilla stories to share:


I am a drummer an I have played all kinds of music. One day, a friend called me so I could play with his bunch of friends. His music was.....french Country Western music!. Not thinking anything about it, I loaded my drums in the small Saturn (wayyyyy to small for my drums!) and I went to meet and play music with these new friends.

Playing with these people was fun and I learned a few things with them...even if French Country Western is not really hard to play and not really my thing.

When I came back to play with my regular partners.....some of them were angry at me for playing this kind of music. Some of them even claimed that French Country Western was NOT music and I was losing my good reputation as a drummer playing that kind of shit!!!!

For me, music is music. I have played Progressive rock, blues, jazz, ballroom music, rock'n roll....and French Country Western! Well! Maybe after all, I am not a TRUE musician!


Lately, just for the fun of it, I started a small collection of "matchbox cars". Nothing big! And fun, since these little cars are just a few dollars each!

Out of curiosity, I surfed the net a bit, looking for other collections of small cars like mine. I ended up on one of the manufacturer's site which had a small discussion group. Looking into it, I found a post about someone saying that the small cars like mine were not good for a REAL collection since they were only of a scale of 1/64 and the REAL collection items were 1/24. I am having fun with this little collection. Well! Maybe I am not a TRUE collector after all!

From my two stories, you can see that not being "real" isn't just part of the BDSM world.

Lately, in different communities, I have seen a rise in number of people who want to organise groups of "REAL" BDSM'ers. I have no problem with that, since people can do whatever they want in their own home and it is really fun to meet people with the same interest and same likes as us. Where I have a problem is when some people decided who are "real" or not and frown on any other type of BDSM or fetish that are not theirs.

Wait...it gets worse!

You know that we've been part of a television reality show called "Kink" on Showcase. After the shows aired, some people that we have met, accused us of not being real and "not being representative of the BDSM community"!!!!!! What the hell is "being real or representative of the BDSM community????" We always have defended the right of doing "your own thing" and not have to follow any type of rules, except when it is about safety. I admit, in social events, etiquette must be followed, but when you are alone with your partner, in the middle of scene in your own home, the rules that you will respect are the one you have negociated with your partner and that's all!!

And just for the records, we didn't do the "Kink" experience to show "REAL BDSM" or "to be representative of the community", we did it to tell our own story.

I for one, love to see how people do their own versions of BDSM. I feel that being able to do things your own way is part of the BDSM treasure!

I see many people claiming to be doing "THE REAL BDSM". Yet, when I try to research their claims, usually, I always failed to find the origin of their "TRUE BDSM".

One last story:

A while ago, we were invited by Sir Paul who is part of the "Gay Leather Scene" here in Montreal for a special demonstration in the gay village. It is not the first time that Paul had invited us in some of his parties. We have all heard about how supposedly the Gay Leather scene plays harder and takes a lot more chances than the heterosexual people. The plays I have seen from the Gay Community looks a lot like the plays I have witnessed from the heterosexual community. They are all about love, tenderness, trust and sensuallity. Yes, I admit that probably, when Gay partners are by themselves, alone, having a scene together, they probably play rougher and are more sexual......but that is true about a lot of heterosexual couples including us!

No, I don't have any Gay or Bi desire. One way or the other, If I did, it would be alright too. But even without homosexual desire, I have found Paul's scene beautiful and erotic. He plays with almost the same values that I use. Paul is very different from me, because of his Gay values, but he is very much like me, in his BDSM values. He is at the same time, different from me...and similar to me.

If you look carefully around your BDSM surroundings, you will find the same situation. You will find some players have totally different tastes from you and yet, they share many similarities with you. Now, which BDSM is the "REAL" one?

Doing the REAL BDSM has nothing to do with the "school of thought" on which your BDSM is based or your sexual orientation. You could be either "Gor", from the Latin school, from the Gay Leather community, from any type of BDSM groups, If you are safe, if you have a beautiful BDSM relationship with your partner based on negociation and exchange of ideas, if you are enjoying YOUR BDSM and it makes you and your partner happy, for me, you are doing the RIGHT BDSM.

Well...maybe after all, I am NOT a TRUE BDSM'er.

Yeah right!

Maître Pierre