Safety from a submissive's point of view

by morningstar (Warren)

i want to tell you all a story….

Once upon a time there was a submissive.. not that young but not that old. She was suffering from a "disease" known as "sub frenzy". She had learned about this wonderful world of BDSM on BBS (predating the internet) and wanted more than anything to actually experience it. Not in a month… not in a week from now.. but NOW!! She had been chatting with a Dominant on line.. for all of a couple of weeks… and decided to take Him up on His offer for coffee.
She was seated at a table nervously sipping her coffee when the Dominant walked into the restaurant. He came over to her table and sat down. The first words out of His mouth were…. "whom did you tell that you were coming here?" Thinking He was cross with her.. she was delighted to inform Him that no one knew where she was.. or what she was doing! He pointed a finger at her and said "you foolish, foolish woman! No respectable Dominant would want to take on a submissive who was as foolish as you appear to be" The submissive's face fell, her heart nearly stopped beating. The Dominant then went into a lengthy lecture on the hazards of meeting Dominants, with lots of gruesome details. The submissive was shaken. Then the Dominant told her she would go home and in a few days one of His submissives would contact her. From that time on she was to do only what she was told to do by this submissive. She was NOT to meet any other Doms… nor was she to repeat this mistake ever again.

This submissive was very lucky. She had found an honest reputable Dominant who believed in safety first in all things. This submissive spent a wonderful year being trained by the submissive who contacted her. She learned many different things but the most important lesson she learned was safety first! i know .. because i was THAT submissive, some 15 years ago.

What has troubled me over these past years are the anxious eager submissives, all suffering from this "sub frenzy". And believe it or not.. they are not all newbies. No… some are seasoned submissives, who take unnecessary risks.

i would like to list off a few safety precautions that we perhaps all need to be reminded of:

  • safe sane consensual - these are not just words.. they should be branded into our very souls!
  • do NOT be hurried into a first phone call .. or first meeting.. or first session.. or first anything!!! remember a reputable Dom will want to have time to get to know you !!
  • safe calls … tell someone where you are going.. when you are going and when you expect to be home… phone that person 2 or 3 times . have a password that you will use each time you phone.. coercion can happen… be prepared…. make sure the person knows how you are traveling.. by bus.. by car - give them the license number and make and model of your car… and any and all details/information you have on the Dominant you are meeting.
  • educate….. do not wait for some Dominant to teach you…. educate yourself know what interests you.. what scares you.. what you want..
  • imits/negotiations …. have some limits! it does not make you any less submissive if you have limits.. state them clearly! and yes it is ok to re-negotiate those limits after time…. things change . needs change … limits change.. but it is still important to have them!
  • safe words - so many submissives feel that they are less of a submissive if they need / use a safe word. A reputable Dominant should insist on some form of safe word.
  • network - get out there and meet other submissives.. so many submissives, in their hurry to find a Dominant, forget about the sister/brotherhood of other submissives .. a wealth of information and support.

Remember… play safe….. be safe….