Your Kink, My Kink

by Mistress Catharine /katy

Last week I was at a munch (for those who are not familiar with the term, this is a gathering of real life practitioners of bdsm activities, usually at a restaurant, no play involved, just a way to meet others in the lifestyle). Anyways.. at this munch we were talking about tolerance of other people’s kinks, and I believe that Maitre and I are very tolerant. However there are some things I do "judge". What I judge by are the three bdsm catchwords… safe, sane and consensual, practiced by any respectable bdsmer. But just what do these things mean? Well to me they mean the following:

Safe: Are you using common sense? Are you engaging in activities that will cause permanent damage, be it emotional or physical? Are you using condoms? Does the sub have a safe word and a safe gesture (in case of gags etc) that can be used at anytime without ridicule from the Dom/me? Are you sterilizing/washing instruments or toys between not only different partners.. but between scenes on the same partner? Does the Dom/me know where no hit zones are such as kidneys which are easily damaged? (Ask anyone on dialysis how important kidneys are). Some may argue that no bdsm practices can be safe.. I strongly disagree with this, every type of play can be done in such a manner as to be conscientious of safety. It is the Dom/mes job to ensure the safety of His or Her sub at all times.. and to stay in control of the situation.. that is part of the power exchange and the price of the trust and control the sub gives to Them. There should never be pain or discomfort to the sub that is not intended by the Dom/me.

Sane: Is the Dom/me a loving caring person, or just a nut who wants control.. do they have the safety of the sub in mind… and realize that all subs have limits which must be respected. Do they lose themselves in play to the point where they forget the realities of the human body.. and that this is a human being in their care.. do they keep in mind that scening is just that.. scening?

Consensual: I could say a lot here.. but basically.. if there is no consent.. it is NOT bdsm.. it is rape and abuse… period.. And speaking of tolerance…that is why pedophiles are not on either my list or Maitre’s list of tolerated activities.. a child CANNOT consent. W/we find any type of nonconsensual play obscene and disgusting.

Now nobody is going to like everything.. personally scat just plain grosses me out… and I just don’t find it sexy in any way.. (luckily Maitre agrees). Because of the bacteria content of scat I would not consider it particularly safe type of play, however if done between consenting individuals with safety kept in mind, well each to their own.

So yes.. I judge, but on the above criteria. Tolerance is an important thing. Unfortunately some bdsmers are even more judgmental than vanilla people are. Personally I think it is because they have hangups about the things they do.. and wanting to justify it; somehow think that a spanking for instance is ok.. IF it is done in what they consider to be the right way.. such as over the knee.. and that any other way of spanking is somehow wrong or perverse.. what a bunch of crap, grow up and accept that other people have other ways of doing things and that there is nothing wrong with that.. another common thing is you will hear so called bdsm purists say real bdsmers don’t have intercourse… and others say that you are weird if you don’t have intercourse… again… grow up.. to each their own folks.

Personally I believe that as long as things are safe, sane and consensual you don’t have to justify your kink to anyone.. and it isn’t anyone else business…

katy, submissive to Maître Pierre