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BDSM And The Internet

By Maître Pierre



When the internet stopped being just a world for geeks about 17 years ago and became more popular, the existing local BDSM communities just exploded because of the net. At the time, the different BDSM local groups were very closed and private, wanting and needing to protect the secrecy and name of their members. Communication between the groups and their members was done by mean of private and expensive magazines, telephone groups and even old online BBS, which were controlled by different individual members of these groups.

Internet has change all this.

Because of the internet, BDSM became more open, some BDSM groups easier to find and the older groups, having need for secrecy, became more secretive, so secretive in fact that they all just disappeared without leaving any traces. The only traces we can find are the groups that were more open towards new BDSM and new BDSM adepts, these groups having embraced the internet instead of fleeing it.

For many years, We, at the BDSM Circle, were part of this amazing and wonderful world on the internet but, like anything in life, BDSM is still changing and is now becoming, to our sadness, more commercial and more about "playing" a game than a lifestyle that people adopt in their life.

We are sad about it? Yes we are, but not for the reasons you may think; We miss the sense of family that existed during that time and again, don't get me wrong, like in any family there was some fighting and bitching but yet, BDSM is becoming more and more commercial. A few year ago, we would see more organisations creating discussion groups, munches, or events involving no or very little money, event done by BDSM adepts and for BDSM adepts.

Facebook, Twitters, blogs and local popular social BDSM websites are more popular. Websites with information and original material are disappearing slowly. Internet is an amazing place to find information about BDSM, but if all the informational BDSM sites are disappearing slowly, where can a BDSM adept find the information?

This is what I want to address with this article.

Some websites present information about BDSM, and sometimes, this information are about the philosophy itself and sometimes these information are about technical aspects of BDSM.

What if we put an article on BDSM Circle about a subject concerning a precise point of safety and than, on another website, you read an excellent article that says the exact opposite? You the reader, you must take a decision, but how do you decide? You have to take the time to do some research about it to prove or disprove what you have found, but at the end, you are the one that must decide for yourself!

Here are some advices about researching topics on the internet:

    - There are no bible in BDSM:

      There are no generally recognized handbook or bible about BDSM that may be refer to if we need to find a definitive answer in BDSM. Many author may claimed to have the "Truth" but the reality is that anything you read on the net or in books is basically an opinion about a topic on BDSM....even in technical aspect of BDSM!

    - Nuances:

      Almost everything in BDSM is about nuances. The line of what is acceptable and safe is very thin compare to what is not acceptable and dangerous. Always try to understand the context of the article making certain that you get the nuance in its context.

    - People are different:

      What works and is safe for someone else, may not be good and safe for you.

    - Most author are sincere in there articles:

      Authors usually write from their own personal experience but these experience and realities may be different from yours, hence, making their information unsafe for you. Again, it is important to understand the context of the article.

    - Is it real?

      Alas, this is a real problem on the net. Many BDSM players do BDSM only......on the net! I remember reading someone's blog about his first time being fisted by his Mistress and how easy and wonderful it was with all kind of physical details....until I understood that this gentleman had been a online cyber play!!!!! A question of context you will say, of course! But at the same time, there are a ton of article about BDSM online.....articles based on experience....cybering!!!!!!

    - Verifying the source:

      Always and I insist, always verify the source of an article; A good journalist, if he discover a new story, before printing it, he will always verify the story from another and different source. Let's make this simple; if in a article on BDSM Circle, we tell you a fine detail about a technique, always verify it on another website or book. Beware! BDSM is a small world and often other people will write original material....using somebody else's material! It means that if an article is way too similar to the one you want to verify, find another article!

    - Context....again!

      Many "borrowed" articles are edited, and sometimes, in the editing, some of the important content may be removed! I remember this article explaining how a sub should be kneeling in front of her Dom in all different situations. Reading this article, I was uneasy because that article was describing some kneeling position that I knew was dangerous and unrealistic. I found out, after a while, that that article had been heavily edited and the little part where the auteur was warning the reader that his article was about how a sub should kneel IN THE CONTEXT OF A CHAT ROOM had disappeared!!!!!

    - It look so easy on the pictures:

      There are a HUGE amount of BDSM pictures on the net. 99% of them are BOGUS!!!!!! If you think you can suspend your 160 pounds submissive by the nipple because you saw a picture of a 90 pounds mannequin suspended by her word..... PHOTOSHOP!!!!!!! You can easily make a rope disappear in a picture, giving the APPARENCES that someone could be suspended by the said nipple.......

    - Doing research on non BDSM sites:

      When possible, look into non-BDSM websites or books when you are looking for something. For example, let's say you want to study breath play, look into medical books or medical website about the danger of asphyxia, so you could recognize the sigh if it were to happened to you (to your sub).

    - Choice of website in the search:

      There is less and less "real" website about BDSM on the net. Many website will offer you advice....when you give them your credit card number. There are fewer and fewer nutcases like us that maintain BDSM sites for the love of BDSM that give you original advice on the net. Find these sites; compare their material when you research.

    - Blogs and social websites:

      Blogs are a wonderful but are usually the equivalent of a journal. When someone posts an article on it, it is usually "borrowed" from elsewhere and the origin of the article is not always there. Again, often you may see only a part of the article which brings the problem of context. Beware of blogs for finding original information.

      Social websites are made to get members to find as many "friends" as possible so they can sell space for publicity. These sites are wonderful to keep contact with "friends" but are like blogs; informational articles on them are to be taken with huge reserves because these articles may not be complete or in context (again the context thing).

    - Common sense:

      And finally......I hate to have to say this, but, so many people don't use common sense in BDSM, they let their dick (or pussy) think for them! Before you try something new, if needed, take a cold shower so you can think straight and evaluate things with logic!!!!

On our site the BDSM Circle, we've been giving our opinion on BDSM for a very long time now. We do not hide the fact that our site is based on our own take on BDSM. We are not different from other sites on this aspect. We make the best articles and advices we can, using our own experience and our own belief in BDSM, but, we push people to make their own mind and belief in BDSM. Verifying information is encouraged by us.....even verifying our own articles!

BDSM actions can be dangerous, but riding a bike can be equally as dangerous. If you ride your bike safely, using common sense, a bit of education about the rules of the road and learn about what biking is all about, you can make riding your bike a much safer thing. Learning more and more about BDSM has only one makes it safer.


Maître Pierre



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