The First Meeting

Safe call:

A safe call is.....a call that you make to insure that you are safe. Choose someone that you trust; a friend, family member or another BDSM player. When you meet a stranger, while meeting that stranger, from time to time, you make that safe call to tell them that you are ok. If the one who is supposed to receive your call don't hear from you, that person must be instructed to do what need to be done. Leave all the information to the person who will have your that safe call (Name and phone number of the stranger you are meeting, every detail you can get). The goal of the safe call is if that stranger is NOT who he or she is supposed to be, you can be found (rescued) by the information that you left to the safe call person. The call itself could be just something like "Hey! it's me, I'm ok!" to a special word that you MUST used during the conversation. We don't want to become paranoid here but someone could force you to make that phone call. So if you call and you don't used that special word, for the safe call person it mean "HELP!".

2010 Update:

When we wrote this article, text messages on cells were not common. Even if this article doesn't address new communication technology, is still up to date. Yes, for a safe call, you may text someone, but use a "special word" to say that you are ok, remember, anyone may use your cell to text.

For men:

Don't pressure the lady. Often she will not be comfortable or even sometimes she will feel scared. Respect her fear. Because of the safety issue, you must find a way to follow the lady's rhythm in the building of the trust, remember female Dommes can be uncomfortable too, don't think just because the woman is a Domme that she does not have to be safety conscience.

For the male Dom:

First meeting, you must show that you can Dom...but, if you go too fast, you will scare that lady sub. Making her kneel in a crowed restaurant is NOT a good idea! If you want that lady sub to call you Master, well, make it possible for her to do it in a very discreet manner. Remember, that lady you are meeting IS in a very delicate situation. She don't know you and she IS scared. She will probably have to do a safe call, if so, let her do it in private if she needs to. You are the Dom, yes, but for that first meeting or the others if there are any, let her set the rhythm.

For the male submissive:

This Goddess you are meeting has control. Let her make the rhythm of this meeting. To ask her to play "NOW" is not a good idea. There is a good chance that she will make you wait and desire that scene. Remember that there are tons of male subs, but very few female Domme. This meeting is very important. Show this female Dom that you are serious and not just looking for a quick thrill. A female Domme friend told us that often, men are scared to admit that they are subs. You don't need to have a sign on you saying "Male sub HERE!" but your possible Mistress WILL want to meet you in a public place. If you cannot even do that for your possible Mistress, you are doomed! What will it be when she will send you to that lingerie store to get female panties at your size!!!!!! Show her that you are willing to show her your submissiveness by meeting her in a public place.

For women:

Safety! Safety! Safety! You are a sub or a Dom, the safe call IS A MUST! Meet that possible partner in a place that you know well. Don't go to a place that you have never been. Remember, there are lots of male players, so, this possible partner HAS to follow your need. And ladies, in the same fashion that a bad male player can have to deal with a bad reputation, the same goes for women. If you have a bad reputation, you will find a partner, but it does not mean that you will have a partner of quality. Be serious, and leave the little playful games for the plays after that trust has been established. If that person that you are meeting gives you a feeling that something is not right, it is ok to have more then one appointment to know that person better. Until you feel safe with that person, be very careful and take your time to know him.

For the female submissive:

First and foremost...the safe call!. This male Dom that you are meeting and even yourself are itching to "jump and play" but this is a time where you must keep your head straight and not let your desire to submit take over. Later you will have plenty of time to satisfy this need. Remember, the day that you will permit him to tie you and do these things to you will be too late to discover the "Real Himself". You don't want to become the next morning news. Be safe! If this male Dom starts pressuring you and finds you too slow, then he does not respect your need for safety now. If this is the case, He will NEVER respect it later!

For the female Domme:

First thing is the safe call! Yes even if you are the Mistress, you need a safe call, because, this stranger that you are meeting is a man and chances are that he can overpower you very easily. Don't assume anything, just be safe. You basically run this meeting. You are the Mistress, so Domme this male sub, this is all he wants but remember that you are in a public place so be discreet.

A word of caution:

In BDSM like in every other thing in Real Life, there are people who try to take advantage of others. It could be a man looking for a quick fuck or a woman trying to gain money by domming unsuspecting male sub. Be careful! We have heard and still hear some horror stories about people meeting the wrong kind of partner. We believe in trust and honesty but many use the lifestyle to take advantage of others in a bad way. We have heard of many horror stories, but please, folks, now we want to hear about the Good stories!

One last thing:

Being a man or a woman, if with the person you meet, something fell "wrong", use caution. We are firm believer in what some called "the third eye" and these feelings must not be discarded. We all have heard stories about how close to disaster some have been and how a "bad feeling" saved them from being victims.