How BDSM Can Empower Women

By Deborah Smith.

With the publication of Fifty Shades of Grey, the world of BDSM has been thrust into the limelight as mainstream media has latched on to the bondage lifestyle. Within the past couple of years, BDSM went from being a fetish that most people didn't know much about to being discussed openly in magazines, on television, and among a new crop of women intrigued by kink and bondage. While much of the feedback about BDSM has been positive, there are still some who question kink, bondage, and the roles used in BDSM.

Although it's been decades since women's lib opened us up to sexual exploration, women's sexuality is still not discussed as much as men's. However, over the years there has been a greater acceptance, respect, and attention given to women's sexual needs. 50 years ago, sex was seen as a man's thing, and men were allowed to sexualize women. Women, however, weren't awarded the same treatment. Sex wasn't about our needs or what we wanted-it was entirely about the man. With BDSM, this view of women's sexuality changes, no matter what role the woman plays. Through a BDSM relationship, a woman can be empowered and take a positive approach to her sexuality.

One of the major problems that women face when it comes to their sexuality is that they still feel that their sex lives are something to be ashamed of. Surprisingly, there are still women out there who don't masturbate and aren't in tune with their own bodies. They lack the confidence to explore their own sexual needs and desires. By dabbling in the world of kink and bondage, however, these women can begin to break down these sexual barriers. Whether they choose to add some BDSM elements, such as bondage accouterments, to their sex routines or enter into a full on BDSM relationship, incorporating bondage and kink can enhance a woman's sex life and put her in touch with her sexuality as it forces her to confront certain aspects of her personality and her sexual needs and desires. Integrating BDSM accessories in your current relationship can also intensify the sex you have with your partner. For instance, Adam & Eve reports that bondage and kink toys are a great way to add some kink or role-playing to your sex life. Not only that, but they can be used when you're just starting out in BDSM or if you've been in a full-fledged bondage situation for years.

During the 1970's and 1980's, many feminists expressed bitter opposition to BDSM and the women who allowed themselves to be dominated. Author Kathleen Barry described BDSM as "a disguise for the act of sexually forcing a woman against her will" in her book Female Sexual Slavery. Lesbians who practiced BDSM were also criticized for reinacting the "masculine power dynamics used to perpetuate women's oppression," according to Jocelyn Borycszka's Suspect Citizens. This condemnation of BDSM is unwarranted and false, and makes women who partake in the lifestyle victims instead of willing participants who are confident in their sexuality and know what they want. In fact, a BDSM relationship does the opposite of what many critics suggest. While sub women don't have control during their sex play, they are fully in control outside of the bedroom and are more likely to be in control of their own sexuality. What's more, not all women take on the submissive BDSM role. There are many women who are the masters or doms in their BDSM relationships, giving them the power and control during their sexual play. In traditional, mainstream sexual relationships, women are always the submissive ones; however, BDSM allows women to take on a different role-a situation that often makes a woman more sexually empowered.

Whether you're a true submissive or a FemDom, BDSM tests your limits and pushes you to become a stronger woman and better lover. Because you must know your limits, desires, and pleasures, bondage and kink forces you to get in tune with your sexuality, making you more confident and sexy.

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