To navigate the site using the BDSM glossary
To navigate the site using the technical glossary
The entrance page of this site
To know more about us
Articles about BDSM
Editorials about BDSM
Our discussion group on Yahoo
BDSM stories
BDSM and general pictures
BDSM links
BDSM polls
BDSM events
BDSM personal ads
To email us
Pour naviguer sur le site en français



"Please Tell Me How To Do My BDSM."

By Maître Pierre



We do receive a lot of emails with questions and the questions change with times. In the past, people would write us wanting to know about techniques and "how to do's", but this latter question is being ask more often, by what seems to be much younger adults,and is no longer about typical how to technical stuff but really how to live a lifestyle / fantasies that they have.

We did a bit a research around the net to became very surprised by the fact that this question has been asked around and was more surprised to discover that the people who have been asked this question are as stump as we are.

We will try to answer, the best we can, in our own way, about how to do your BDSM.

The Need:

This is part of the answer we gave to many who wrote us. Sometimes it helped them and sometimes it didn't.

    "People interested in BDSM of a certain age, have come to BDSM from life experience (and sexual experiences). This life experience has created the way they do their BDSM. Their BDSM is based on sexual fantasies and liking they have developed with passing years. Many if not all those BDSM adepts have done experimenting in their fetish/liking through the years. All these elements are united creating what we can call "The Need" of BDSM

    This need is very important because this is from where EVERYTHING is decided for a person about their BDSM. The "how" and "why" are created from these needs. The ways that a person is going to live his(her) BDSM is going to be related directly to these needs. In fact, everything about someone's BDSM is a result from this indivudual need. Many people in BDSM, before they would step into "the real" action of BDSM, they would know exactly what they want and how they want to do their BDSM, they would know what their needs are. Obviously, the need of these people are as different as the people are and I would even go as far as saying that there are as many ways of doing BDSM that there are people in BDSM."

But now, things are changing.

With the explosion of medias, the popularity of such things as the "Goths" in late 1990's and now the popularity of Vampirism (tv shows, movies), more and more young adults are interested by the "darker side" of things..... like BDSM. Just go to one public fetish party, you will see what I mean, the players seem to be getting more younger.

Maybe, to shed a bit of light, I have found these interviews on the net. These are from Kristen Stewart star of the series "Twilight". In the series, she romanctizes vampires but in real life she is so terrified of vampires so much that according to the article;

    "she festoons her home with cloves of garlic". (

And yet, in another article she says;

    "(she) admits she’s turned on by “forbidden fruit”. “Well, classically vampires are meant to draw you in, just to the point where they have you in a complete submitting state to where they can kill you,” (

Kristen told a British magazine:

    “So that’s a bit sexy, to give yourself to something to accept, to let something take over. It’s forbidden fruit, something you can’t have but you want more.” (

The younger adults have genuine need in BDSM, but for some, their lack of life experience prevent them from being able to defined their needs therefore create this BDSM suited for them. So in their quest, they write to people like us.

Erotic Fantasies?

Usually, our answer we give them is always this question:

    "What are your erotic fantasies?"

When they can answer this very simple but killer question, we usually can help them to figure what they are all about BDSM wise. But, this is a minority. A lady who had written us, we asked this question, her honest answer was:

    "I don't have erotic fantasies!"

Ok! Imagine this; let's say that your are asking us to go somewhere, somehow....but you don't know where and how, but you demand an answer! We cannot answer such question as much as we cannot answer people about "How to do their BDSM". And since we believed in doing your own thing, we will not create a school of thoughts about how things should be in BDSM (we know of people who want everybody in BDSM to be doing BDSM the right way; their way!).

We will, in the future, create articles about some of the topics for people in their quest; needs in BDSM, the fullfilment of some particular aspects of BDSM, philosophy, but for now, the only answer we can give someone looking for their way in BDSM is still:

    "What are your erotic fantasies?"

Just understand, this is the start of everything and the answer of this question is your map toward doing your own BDSM.

You don't have erotic fantaisies? Than, why are you interested in BDSM?

You want to write us for further details, please do, it will be our pleasure to answer you if we can, but, you now know the general orientation of our future discussion.

BDSM is not for everybody, but, if you have the need, it is a wonderful place to be....if you do it for the right reasons!


Mistress Catharine and Maître Pierre


Our thanks to Aurey for the grammatical correction



To borrow and use materials from the BDSM Circle web site, click here!

To go to the welcome page (top page) of our site.

To go to the "D/S Lifestyle menu"