We do receive a lot of emails with questions and the questions change with times. In the past, people would write us wanting to know about techniques and "how to do's", but this latter question is being ask more often, by what seems to be much younger adults, and is no longer about typical how to technical stuff but really how to live a lifestyle / fantasies that they have.

We did a bit a research around the net to become very surprised by the fact that this question has been asked around and was more surprised to discover that the people who have been asked this question are as stump as we are.

We will try to answer, the best we can, in our own way, about how to do "YOUR" BDSM.

The Need:

This is part of the answer we gave to many who wrote us with this question. Sometimes it helped them and sometimes it didn't:

"People interested in BDSM of a certain age, have come to BDSM from life experience (and sexual experiences). This life experience has created the way they do their BDSM. Their BDSM is based on sexual fantasies and liking they have developed with passing years. Many if not all those BDSM adepts have done experimenting in their fetish/ sexual liking through the years. All these elements are united creating what we can call "The Need" of BDSM".

"This need is very important because this is from where EVERYTHING is decided for a person about their BDSM. The "how" and "why" are created from these needs. The ways that a person is going to live his (her) BDSM is going to be related directly to these needs. In fact, everything about someone's BDSM is a result from this individual need. Many people in BDSM, before they would step into "the real" action of BDSM, they would know exactly what they want and how they want to do their BDSM, they would know what their needs are. Obviously, the need of these people are as different as the people are and I would even go as far as saying that there are as many ways of doing BDSM that there are people in BDSM."

But now, things are changing.

With the explosion of medias, the popularity of such things as the "Goths" in late 1990's and now the popularity of Vampirism (tv shows, movies), more and more young adults are interested by the "darker side" of things..... Like BDSM. Just go to one public fetish party, you will see what I mean, the players seem to be getting younger.

Maybe, to shed a bit of light, I have found these interviews on the net. These are from Kristen Stewart star of the series "Twilight". In the series, she is in love with a vampire but in real life she is so terrified of vampires so much that according to the article;

"... she (Kristen) festoons her home with cloves of garlic". (http://www.metronews.ca/)

And yet, in another article she says;

"... (she) admits she's turned on by the forbidden fruit. Well, classically vampires are meant to draw you in, just to the point where they have you in a complete submitting state to where they can kill you. (http://www.metro.co.uk)

Kristen told a British magazine:

... that's a bit sexy, to give yourself to something to accept, to let something take over. Its forbidden fruit, something you can't have but you want more…. (http://www.metro.co.uk)

The younger adults have genuine need in BDSM, but for some, their lack of life experience prevent them from being able to defined their needs therefore create this BDSM suited for them. So in their quest, some write to people like us.

Erotic Fantasies?

Usually, when we are asked the question about how they should do their BDSM, in our answer we give them, there is always this question:

"What are your erotic fantasies?"

When they can answer this very simple but killer question, we usually can help them to figure what they are all about BDSM wise. But, this is a minority. A lady who had written us, we asked this question, her honest answer was:

"I don't have erotic fantasies!"

Ok! Imagine this; let's say that you are asking us to go somewhere, somehow....but you don't know where and you don't know how, but you demand an answer!

We cannot answer a question about where and how to get somewhere, if you don't know where you are going as we cannot answer someone how to do their BDSM if they have no idea why they are interested in this lifestyle.

It gets worse! Some have demanded us to "tell them" how we do it so they can do the same!!!

Catharine and I believe that, the way you need to do your BDSM is different for everybody and your need will shape the way you need to do your own BDSM. To be more precise, we categorically refuse to start a BDSM school of thought! It is almost worse than to start a religion!!!

We will, in the future, create articles about some of the topics for people in their quest; needs in BDSM, the fulfilment of some particular aspects of BDSM, philosophy, but for now, the only answer we can give someone looking for their way in BDSM is still and will always be:

"What are your erotic fantasies?"

Just understand, this is the start of everything and the answer of this question is your map toward doing your own BDSM.

You don't have erotic fantasies? Then, why are you interested in BDSM?

You want to write us for further details, please do, it will be our pleasure to answer you if we can, but, you now know the general orientation of our future discussion.

BDSM is not for everybody, but, if you have the need, it is a wonderful place to be....if you do it the right way for you and for the right reasons! Just be safe and consensual.

 

Pierre

 

Our thanks to Aurey for the grammatical correction

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